Choice! Read online

  CHOICE!

  It all started when he came into my life. I was robbing a shop with my mates cos we were piss poor and there he was, watching us go about our business as if we were shopping or something.

  He told me that I had a choice, but what would he bloody know? My mum had stopped taken her meds and I came home to find her off her rocker. Carting her off to the looney bin wasn’t something I enjoyed doing.

  My mates were my family and I’d never do anything to abandon them. We were gonna get a council house together, if only they’d get a bloody job. I was the only git who worked. That’s where he found me. The weirdo with dark cropped hair and blue eyes called Scott. The goody two shoes kept talking to me about having the choice to change my life.

  RACHEL MEDHURST grew up in Surrey, England. She writes to prove that no matter where you come from, you can be anything you want to be. Your past may shape you, but it doesn’t define you. When Rachel isn’t writing, she can be found reading and walking in nature.

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  Choice! by Rachel Medhurst

  Stuff by Stefan Mohamed

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  Published by Salt Publishing Ltd

  12 Norwich Road, Cromer, Norfolk NR27 0AX

  All rights reserved

  Copyright © Rachel Medhurst, 2014

  The right of Rachel Medhurst to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  This book is in copyright. Subject to statutory exception and to provisions of relevant collective licensing agreements, no reproduction of any part may take place without the written permission of Salt Publishing.

  Salt Publishing 2014

  Created by Salt Publishing Ltd

  This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

  ISBN 978-1-78463-020-1 electronic

  Chapter One

  I had to laugh at the look on their faces as I watched them through the window. Tommy and Jack were trying so hard to look tough but we were just robbing a shop for some fags and booze. It weren’t like we were gonna hurt anyone. Tiff squeezed my hand as the shout from inside signalled our cue. When we rushed to the door, a dark haired boy was holding it open, so we pushed our way past him. I’d been so caught up in the drama I hadn’t noticed him standing there. His gaze slammed into mine as I went to head towards the booze aisle. I froze for a second before my attention was drawn back to the boys. Tommy was holding a knife towards the shaking shop keeper. The poor boy was about nineteen with major spotage on his face. His eyes were wide as Jack shoved fag packets into a carrier bag.

  ‘Come on, girls. Get the booze,’ Tommy shouted, gesturing with the silver blade. Tiff had started to shove bottles into a bin liner. I couldn’t move. When I looked back over to the dark haired boy, he was just standing there, his tall frame still beside the open door. His blue gaze stayed connected to mine as the corners of his lips lifted slightly.

  ‘Will you get a bloody move on?’ Tommy yelled.

  I shook my head and blinked before spinning away to help my friends. I joined Tiff and started to copy her movements with my own bag, all the time trying not to look towards the front of the shop. I’d never seen the boy before and wondered why he hadn’t run or tried to stop us. When my bag was full I shouted to the others and turned to run out of the shop. As I went towards him, I couldn’t look at his face. I was just about to walk past the weirdo when he put a hand on my arm. I stopped and looked up at him.

  ‘You have a choice,’ he whispered. I opened my mouth to respond but Tiff shoved me from behind and I ended up on the pavement outside. The spell was broken. I grabbed my friend’s hand and we ran as fast as we could.

  Chapter Two

  ‘What was wrong with you back there, Nat?’ Tommy asked as he took a swig from a bottle of Jack.

  ‘Nothing.’

  We were sitting on the swings in the park. Tommy stood in front of me. It was gone ten and I should’ve been at home really. Not that my mother would’ve noticed. Although I was eighteen so it weren’t like she could make me go home at a certain time. I shoved a fag in my mouth and looked away from the eldest member of our small group. We loved living in London but sometimes it got boring as hell.

  ‘You kept looking at that boy,’ he said, his words starting to slur. He’d almost downed the whole bottle in the space of ten minutes. He was gonna be so wrecked.

  ‘No, I didn’t, shut up and give me a bottle of something.’ I reached out and he passed me a beer. Grabbing my sleeve, he pulled me off the swing. I landed on the floor at his feet.

  ‘Oi!’ I shouted, jumping up. My head lowered and my breath started to huff. My hands reached towards his neck as I lunged, but he managed to get a hold of me and wrestle me to the ground.

  ‘Feisty, girl, I like it … .It’s like she’s got something to hide, innit, Jack?’

  He tried to get on top of me but I managed to get my leg up and knee him exactly where no man should ever be kneed. He deserved it, though. Bastard kept trying to get off with me.

  ‘Get off her, Bruv, you don’t need to do that.’ Jack stood up and started to sway. It didn’t matter, though; the dickhead was crouched on the floor trying to get enough breath into his lungs to moan. I thought about feeling bad but decided against it. I got up from the ground, grabbed my beer and a pack of fags and headed out of the park. They all shouted after me, but I was gone, running towards my favourite spot.

  My skin burned as I thought about the way Tommy always tried to grab me when he was drunk. He never bothered me when he was sober, proving he didn’t fancy me anyway. He was such a knob. I reached the rock that stood at the end of the small patch of woods. The park was in a big area of grass with the woods at the back of it. It was one of those tiny parts of London that had been allowed to stay natural.

  I reached up and tied my long blonde hair into a ponytail. My fringe always flopped into my eyes and it did my head in. My mother bugged me about getting it cut or growing it out, but I couldn’t be bothered with all that. I knew that I was pretty. My big eyes always attracted the creeps who walked around the shopping centre where I worked. I hated the attention. I’d be serving someone coffee, and all of a sudden, some idiot would grab my arse and wink at me. I’d almost been fired when I punched one of them in the face, but luckily my boss had been standing behind me. She was feminist, so I got away with a suspension. It was a nice couple of days off, considering I was the only one in our group that worked. The rest were lazy gits. I kept trying to make them get a job so we could go to the pub, but they weren’t having none of it.

  ‘Oh, stars up high in the sky, why are you so piss poor to me?’

  Why was life so crap? My mother had a rubbish boyfriend and my older brother had managed to get away by going travelling. Sneaky git had robbed a high tech shop and then sold
everything. Told me it was the only way that he’d be getting out of the crap-hole part of London. My bum grew cold as I sat staring at those mysterious flickers in the sky. Apparently they were gas from miles away that burnt millions of years ago. Yeah, alright mate.

  I stood up and threw my fag butt on the floor. I supposed I’d better go back home and get some kip. I was thinking about going to sign up for college the next day, but would have to wait and see how I felt. If I couldn’t be bothered, I wouldn’t bother.

  I dragged my size five trainers as I walked home. I was hoping everyone would’ve gone to bed. I couldn’t take another hit today. I would end up hurting someone. The eyes of the weird boy in the shop popped into my head. I didn’t usually bother with lads much. They always wanted too much from me. I wasn’t prepared to give them what they wanted no more. My mother had tried to teach me to respect myself. I’d lost my way a bit, but I was no longer gonna give myself to a random.

  ‘Hey, honey, come here please,’ she called as I crept in the back door. I went into the living room and felt my face screw up at the sight of them sitting side by side. He had his arm around her shoulder. It wasn’t really inappropriate but I didn’t need to see him touching my mother, thanks.

  ‘Whatttttsssssss upppppp?’

  ‘Natalie, stop it, will you? I need to tell you something.’ Her voice was quiet and I detected a note of nervousness. Oh crap, it better not be what I thought it was.

  ‘We got engaged tonight, darling.’

  Much worse than I’d thought! That was just disgusting. Did that mean they were serious? Like having sex and everything? Balls, this was definitely turning into the shittiest day of the century!

  ‘Mum, that’s … ’ I couldn’t go on. Her eyes were hopeful, you know, almost pleading. Sad, really. What was it with parents? They were so irritating and it weren’t getting any better as I got older. First my dad buggered off when I was young and got married to the wicked witch of the South East. Now mother was marrying the dickest dick of Crapville.

  ‘Erm, well … today I went into town and Tommy was showing off. His mum came along and he started swearing at her, so she turned round and said … . “‘Tommy, don’t forget, son, my fanny was wrapped around your head once.’” We couldn’t stop laughing, how funny is that?’ I laughed hard, looking to see if they’d been impressed with my diversion tactic. Nope. My mum had tears hovering in her eyes and Richard, yes … . he really is a Dick … . didn’t look amused.

  ‘Whatever, Mum, as long as you’re happy, innit?’ I turned and walked out of the living room. I caught her look of relief. She knew me well enough to know that that was as good as she would get from me. I weren’t no good at much more. When I was young she would hug me, but since her breakdown, she wasn’t the hugger type no more. That was okay with me, though, I didn’t like it either.

  Up in my room, I got into bed with my clothes on and put my earphones in. My mates liked rap but I was into rock music. I loved hearing the guitar riffs and pretended to strum along to them. Not that I would let anyone see me do it. A knock on my bedroom door caught my attention as I took an earphone out to have a drink. It was getting late and I was tired, but I knew I couldn’t ignore whoever was standing outside.

  ‘What?’ I called, turning my music off. Richard opened the door. His face was white and his piggy eyes were wider than usual. I’d only been up here five minutes, what was up with him? Eww, I really hoped …

  ‘You need to come downstairs. It’s your mum: she’s having one of her funny turns.’ His hands shook as he gestured behind him. I jumped up and followed him out of the room.

  ‘You’re joking? She’s not had one since you’ve known her. How can you know … ?’ My words trailed off as we entered the living room and I saw her. She was rocking and her eyes were fixed on the blank television screen in front of her.

  ‘What happened?’ I went over and sat next to her. It had been three years since I’d last seen her like this. She’d seemed fine when I’d gone to bed.

  ‘I’m not sure. When you went, she looked at me and smiled. She said that you meant that it would be okay. Then her eyes just glazed over and she started to do this … I don’t know … ’

  ‘It’s the stress of getting engaged. You know she can’t deal with anything outside her normal routine. Although … she shouldn’t be this bad, unless … ’ I broke off and went into the kitchen. Opening one of the top drawers I picked out her medication packets. Oh, shit! The stupid woman hadn’t been taking them. I rushed back into the room.

  ‘Mum, why have you not been taking your meds?’

  Richard was sitting in the arm chair, away from her. He was as white as she was. Both their faces looked like they’d been painted as bloody ghosts at Halloween.

  ‘Oh, Nat, I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, grabbing my hand and pulling me to sit next to her. Her gaze pleaded with me. The last time this had happened, I’d had to call the bloody ambulance, hadn’t I? My mates had hounded me, saying that I’d carted my mother off to the loony bin. Weren’t the case though, was it? They didn’t have a bloody clue. I shook my head to clear the taunting words. I looked back at my mum. Her gaze had wandered back to the screen. She was obviously teetering on the edge of madness and I hadn’t noticed. Didn’t want to notice was probably more like it. Well, great … now she was gone … hit rock bottom … like a stone when it’s thrown into a lake. Okay, I had to turn into the detective. I had to put turn my brain on and suss her out. How far gone was she? I was tempted not to bother. Tempted to tell Dick to stop being a dick and ring an ambulance. I wanted to hightail it out of there. Run away to my rock and take a nap on it. But, I couldn’t, could I? What would that make me … ? It would make me the daughter from hell and a bitch of a brat that didn’t help her mum when she was in need. I would also become the bastard of a bitch if I sent her into the hospital again. What to do, what to do?

  ‘Dick, I mean Richard,’ I started, standing up. My mum pulled me back down, her head starting to shake from side to side.

  ‘Yes?’ He looked like he might run any minute. Silly git, did he not realise this is what he’d have to deal with if he married her? When she was on her meds my mum was lovely. She was happy and confident. She was pretty and kind. It was her true nature. As soon as she was off them though, she was a crazy woman. Like the ones you see in the scary films. Okay, not quite that bad, but it had felt like that as a kid.

  ‘Can you go and get the address book that’s on the kitchen table?’ It was a simple task as I had a feeling this bloke wasn’t gonna be able to do much here. Why did Darren have to bugger off abroad? How comes he got away with not seeing our mother like this? Life was such a bitch and I was the bastard having to deal with it.

  ‘Here you are,’ he said, handing me the floral book. It held all the important phone numbers. I thumbed through it, trying to decide who was best to call. It then dawned on me. What idiot mental health worker would be up at this time of night? It was gone midnight!

  ‘Will she be okay?’ he spoke in a low tone.

  I looked up and nodded. I couldn’t babysit him as well. He would just have to grow a pair and get on with it. Actually, the sooner they got married the better. Bye bye mental health duties … Hello freedom.

  ‘Are you going to call someone?’

  I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel the shaking of my mum’s body as it rattled the sofa underneath us. Why had I not noticed? She really wasn’t good. I felt bad then. A knot in my stomach got tighter and I tried to swallow. Okay, stop worrying about it, and get on with it, woman.

  ‘I think we’re gonna have to call an ambulance,’ I muttered.

  ‘No, no, no, don’t do it … please … ’ Her fingers twisted around themselves as she snatched her hand from me and kneaded them together.

  Oops, I’d broken the cardinal rule. Don’t mention an ambulance until you’ve calmed her into the idea
. Her trust in me was balancing on a pin-head as she shot quick glances between us.

  ‘Mum,’ I soothed, taking her hand again and stroking it. ‘You’re not well and you need some help.’

  ‘You can help me, Natalie. You can help me … . please,’ she said quietly, as her gaze swung towards the door. I knew she was expecting the government or something to come in and take her away.

  ‘Mum, I can’t. You’ve got to get some professional help. Richard will come with you and look after you.’

  I heard him take a breath in but he didn’t say a word. That was wise, or I might have bitten his head off and shit down his throat. The man had to cope with this. It was too late to back out now. Idiot. I looked at him, and give him his due, he nodded firmly at my mum when she glanced at him.

  ‘If Richard comes with you, will you go and get some help so you can get better?’ I was the mother talking to the child. The child being condescending to the adult. I hated it. I hated it with every part of my, not so bad, a little bit curvy, but still slim body. She looked at me and nodded. A tiny bit of her was still there with us. I knew that cos she kept glancing at her fiancé. I was gonna have a step dad. That just didn’t sound right. If she’d completely gone, she wouldn’t know who he was. Still, she was gone enough to go to hospital. If it hadn’t been the middle of the night, I would’ve called the emergency team … Oh, hold on. Stupid girl - emergency meant you could call them in an emergency. I sure as hell thought that this was a bloody emergency. I could still call them. I jumped up to make the call and noticed my mum flinch.

  ‘Sorry, Mum, listen, I’m gonna go see if we can get the emergency team out to you, all right?’

  She nodded again, over and over and over. Her gaze went back to the TV and stayed there. Walking into the kitchen, I let the breath leave my lungs. I sure as hell wouldn’t miss this part of my life. I picked up the phone and rang the team. I couldn’t believe it. They answered and told me that they’d be round within the hour. What had happened to the mental health system? They’d been the crappiest thing ever three years before. They must have had a brain transplant at the top and realised that people were still human, even if they were off their trolley. Going back into the living room, I stopped dead in the doorway. Not literally dead, obviously, or I would’ve dropped to the floor and I didn’t. There on the sofa, sat Dick. He was sitting close to her and she was letting him hold her hand. She wouldn’t look at him and her body hadn’t stop vibrating like a washing machine, but she was allowing him to be there. I’d never seen such a thing. Even when Darren had been here, she’d always pushed him away, saying that men were horrible and that her son was into dodgy things. Okay, so it may have been true, but to push your own son away, well … she was ill, innit? That’s probably why he’d sodded off.